Is it Worth It?

I couldn't believe I was asking myself this question. We were only 3 months in to our foster care journey and I was already questioning our calling.  It wasn't my finest moment, but there I was sitting on my bedroom floor crying my eyes out and trembling in fear. What was I afraid of? Loss. Heartache. Unknown decisions. I felt like everything around me was crumbling and I had no control over any of it.  I wasn't the only one feeling the stress and fear of the unknown. I saw it in my children too. There were tears, anger, and sleepless nights. 

Reunification with mom wasn't possible, but some family members had surfaced and visitation was in full swing. I knew this was going to happen and I knew that reunification is the goal in foster care, but my emotions took over and I just wasn't seeing things clearly. I just loved her so much and couldn't imagine her leaving. I trusted God and I trusted that this precious baby was in HIS hands. I knew He had a plan, but my emotions took over and fear had moved in. In HIS  gentle way He spoke truth and love to my heart. Though I didn't know the outcome, right now, she was here and I was going to love her. No matter how long.

My crying only lasted a short while when I was able to give it back to God and started once again to take every thought captive. It is not God's plan for us to live in fear. We need to simply trust and keep moving. We don't need to be strong. We need to remain close to the ONE who gives us strength. If God has called you to this special journey, then you can rest assured that He will give you what you need to do it and will be with you all the way. It IS worth it.

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