What I Didn't Tell Her Mom

Child hood is filled with so many milestones that we watch and wait for. We celebrate each new accomplishment with cheers , applause and pictures. We write them down and lock them away in our memory so we can remember them forever. There is the first smile, first bath, the appearance of the first tooth, eating solid food, crawling, standing, first words, and walking. But as out little peanut grows and reaches all these milestones, I am filled with mixed emotions; joy and sadness. I am joyful because she is growing, healthy, and thriving and I am so blessed and honored to be a part of her life.  But I am sad because her mother is missing all of these things. 

I keep very good records and send emails every so often to inform mom of all her most recent accomplishments. I send pictures of her sweet little smile and her first Easter. I tell her all the foods she likes and does't like. I tell her when she is sick and crabby and when she fell down and bumped her head. I tell her about doctor visits and shots. But today, she had a new first . . . she said Mama. One little word that melted my heart and broke it all at the same time. Her sweet little voice and two little syllables that changed my world. She had been with us 8 months and we were all she knew as family. She called me Mama.  I felt guilty and honored at the same time. I couldn't bring myself to tell her mother about this milestone. How could I tell this woman that her baby's first word was Mama and that she said it to me.  I couldn't. I didn't. 

This journey is so complicated sometimes and I find myself hanging between what is and what should be. So many emotions and feelings.  So many things unknown. But this little girl, she is so worth it and I love her. For now, I am her Mama. 

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